There has been something strangely freeing about truly facing the future (which seems rather bleak!) and saying, "Ok, God - bring it!". Whatever "it" is. Bring it. Unemployment?? Bring it. Watching you outstretch your arm and save my business?? Bring it. WHATEVER YOU WANT, GOD. What I have discovered over the past three weeks is that there is no other place I want to be than where God wants me. To be able to honestly say that and mean it regardless of the implications is where it's at! This past year I've been scratching the surface of saying that and meaning it, but God has taken me deeper these past weeks. He's taken me further into the knowledge that HE IS GOOD and my security lies in Him only. And so I can smile at the future in all its uncertainty. I can smile at tomorrow when I'll find out if I'm unemployed or not. One thing I know: tomorrow is a good day regardless of the outcome because God is on His throne and is at work in my life.
I have had so many reminders of my time in Uganda the past few weeks as I've been processing through all of this. But most frequently, I have thought about young James Ocen (you can read more here) who when asked to write anything he wanted (and most of the kids his age wrote down things they need), simply wrote:
My heart still breaks every time I read that. It breaks for James' circumstances and it breaks over the fact that this young orphan boy gets "it" so much better than I do. I'm begging the Lord for a little bit more of the kind of trust James has in His very big, very loving God.
The Message version interprets Matthew 6:34 this way: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
May my attention be ever turned to what God is doing RIGHT NOW - in this moment. Man, I so don't want to miss it. He has GOOD things in the middle of difficult circumstances if I will just press in further.