Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Well, it's time again to let my husband take over my blog for this post.  I don't know about you, but I LOVE it when he writes!!  Wish he would do it more often.  So enjoy these words from my sweet husband who I am daily amazed by...

 I am in the process of thinking though all that God has been doing in our lives over the last few days.  As many of you know, I got a call one week ago that changed my life in a moment.  It was the call from our adoption agency telling me the story of a little boy who suffered at the hands of his father.  “He needs a special daddy, one who is good and kind and can be patient with him” she told me.  “We read your file and thought that might be you.  Does that sound right? Can you be that Daddy to him?”   What do you say to that?  Everything in me cried out “I want to be!” but at that same moment all my failings as a dad flashed in my mind.  The times I let my exhaustion result in a sharp tone, the times when I've parented out of my own weakness or insecurity.  All the mistakes and missed opportunities.
“He sounds like a really special boy who needs a family to love him.  I will talk to Amy and pray about it.  You will hear from us shortly”.  That was all I could muster.  I sat in my car shell shocked and sobbing.  Sobbing for this boy, my son, and from the weight of the question….Can you be that Daddy?

Let’s leave that question to hang out there for a few minutes.  In the meantime I’ll tell you about one of my Christmas traditions….
Every year I make a Christmas CD.  I know, it seems a bit weird, but it’s just one of those things I fell into over the years.  Amy is to blame.  I could fill a 10 volume book series on the amazing things about my wife.  Chief among her virtues is her kindness.  The way she loves those around her is startling and the most beautiful thing in the world to behold.  That being said, in that 10 volume “Ode to Amy”, you would be hard pressed to find a description of her love for GOOD music.  She does love music, it’s just that a lot of it is, well…. not great to listen to in my opinion.  I’m sure you’re thinking her kindness must be unending to live for so long with a jerk like me…you are correct.  :) If she controlled the play list Christmas music would start around Labor Day and end around the 4th of July.  I decided if I was doomed to 6 months of Christmas music, I would do my best to find some that’s tolerable to listen to.  So that is how 10 years ago, I started making Christmas CD’s. 
Now the process of scouring through thousands of Christmas songs is part of my holiday tradition.  No joke, I have well over 600 Christmas songs on my iPod right now.  Ridiculous... I know.  My favorite part of the tradition is that (while listening to Stryper Christmas Reunion Album) I get to refocus my mind on what Christmas is about. 
This year, as our adoption is closer than has seemed possible, I reflect on the birth of Christ in a new way.  I can only imagine being in a field in the middle of the night, watching my animals as the most important moment in the history of the world is happening right over the next rise.  It is still now a thought that makes me fall on my knees.  That God would choose a frail and flawed race of people to bear his image.  That he would demonstrate his plan for humanity through a baby born to a young girl and an adoptive father who were in poverty.  You get a glimpse of the Fathers heart. 
I can only scratch the surface of what Joseph must have been feeling.  Is this really God’s baby?  Was that really God’s angel who appeared to me in my dream?  How can I be a father to God’s son? The confusion and fear he must have felt would be paralyzing.  Would he even feel worthy to be Jesus’ father?  

Truly we are not worthy to be God’s hands and feet to those around us.  To those that God has put in our care.  As I again reflect on that question “Can you be that Daddy?” I know that I cannot give my son or my other children the full measure of the love they deserve.  I know that the love I give is filtered through the broken and frail man that I am, BUT I know who can be that Daddy.  And I know that He loves me.  And when I press into His love, it can spill out of me and cover those around me.  It is a privilege that God uses us to share His heart with those around us.  In a new way I learned to say to God… “I will love your kids as best as I can.  Forgive me when I fail.  Thank you for the pleasure of letting me have them for a while.  They are yours to do with as you see fit, because I know you will be a better father than I can ever be.  Help me be more like you, Father.  Then I can be that Daddy.”


  1. Sweetie, I love this post. I love the good Daddy you will be to our Little "T" and have every confidence God will give you and I what we need for each moment.
    P.S. Do you realize you criticized my taste in "good" music while at the same time confessing to listening to STRYPER???? :)

  2. This made me WEEP! So, beautiful and the best... your comment! It made me laugh through tears.

    You two are some special people and I am privileged that the God of the universe put you in my life!

    I have the pic of "T" up on my wall praying for you all as God unites this family!

    God bless,
    all my love ...

  3. Ben, I am moved by your heart brother. You are an amazing man and if I could not parent my own children, I would choose you to be their father. I thank God for you and Amy and I know He has chosen the right FATHER for the job.


  4. Ben~When Amy told me the story of your son, I knew that there was no other earthly man who was chosen to be T's daddy. There has never been any other man, that's how good our God is to us. I read Ephesians 1:4-6 this morning "In love He predesitined us to be adopted as His sons..." Wow. If He predestined us to be adopted, then we have our mission laid out before us, to lead others to adoption, not only in His family but also in OURS. I am blessed to know you. And I am honored to believe that upon our entrance to Heaven, my place may be someone close to you and Amy so that I can worship my God with my friends! LOVE you!

  5. LOVE this. Required reading for all adoptive daddies. Never even thought about Jesus being adopted. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  6. This is just beautiful. Thank you for posting.

  7. You two are seriously amazing. I think I am pretty much left speechless anytime I read what you write. Now that I've found my tongue... (I read this several hours ago)...

    let's see. Ben, you don't sound like a jerk.:) Amy, I didn't know listening to Christmas music 11 months out of the year was an option. I might have to try that out. Even though I haven't met you yet, I can tell you are both the most amazing parents, and that little boy will be so blessed to be in your home.

    The Ode to Amy. That's what has flowed out of your blogs is your love and kindness. It's funny getting to know someone via a blog, but when Ben said that, I thought, yeah, that is the Amy I have been "meeting." I can only imagine it would be an amazing sight to behold in person.

    You both are an inspiration. Keep it comin'! I so look forward to reading your blogs :)

    p.s. Ben, did the hippopatomus song make the cut?

  8. Cindy,
    you are sweet! and yes Hippopatomus is on the 2002 Cd. Hidden track at the end of the CD. Great pick!

  9. I'm crackin' up laughing here :)

  10. wow, who knew Stryper had a Christmas album, let alone a REunion one?!?!
    All jesting aside, your words are well spoken and cut right to heart of all parenting... we must ask the Lord to help us love our children with His love, His PERFECT love... :)

  11. This post is beautiful and perfect! I love you guys and can't wait to see God's awesome plan for you and your family unfold.

    Dirt would say the same about my music selections - I too, could listen to Christmas music all year through. I would argue that it's no different than other worship music :-). - see I even have a rebuttal for it!

  12. I know I'm commenting on a really old post here, but I love this! It is so profound and true and I love that it is written by a daddy...a perspective that's hard to find in the bloggy world.

    Would you be willing to let us feature this post on "We Are Grafted In"? ( It is a Christian adoption website that seeks to encourage adoptive parents and those considering adoption. (We'd love to save this to feature during the Christmas season.)
    If you are willing, I'd just need a brief bio and a picture to use when it is featured so we can direct our readers back to your blog.
    Just let me know!
    co-administrator of WAGI
    smurphy28 @ juno . com