Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Crevasses
My computer screen is blinking at me waiting for me to type. I'm not quite sure what I want/need to write tonight but I know I must write so here I go. Since being home from Ethiopia for the past month I have been filled with so much emotion. So much, in fact, that I haven't really been able to verbalize it to anyone. I told a friend today that I feel paralyzed in a way. I guess that explains my blog silence. :) Our three weeks in Ethiopia were filled with so much. So much good and so much that is just painful.
Obviously, the highlight of our time in Ethiopia was meeting our son, Tariku. I can't tell you what an amazing kid he is. He is just pure JOY. We had braced ourselves for so much difficulty but honestly haven't had any trouble since we've been home! We are just eating up every delicious moment with him (as I know the difficult part will come!). I marvel at him. His smile. His belly laugh. His sense of humor. His ability to pick things up so quickly. His sensitivity to others.
What I think I hadn't expected so soon was that I am grieving for my son. I know...weird, right? Why am I grieving for my happy, seemingly adjusting son? His story is his to tell and I won't go into detail about it. Suffice it to say he has gone through quite a bit in his first four years of life. It's hard just having small tidbits of information about his past. I want so badly to know it all so that I can help him in the way that he needs. Our little guy is a fighter. A survivor.
I think my heart is just heavy with the knowledge of what he has had to bear...things I can't imagine. Our world is so, so broken. I can't fix it. You can't fix it. All together we can't fix it. I'm just so thankful that one day it will all be whole and right and that God will make all things new. Only He can bring full restoration. None of us can make our past go away...both the mistakes that we have made and the hurt that has been brought on us by others. But we can let God into those spaces to bring healing and hope. That's my prayer for Tariku...that God enters those crevasses I'll never be able to fit in and fills him up and meets him there. That He heals the broken places in his heart and that somehow God uses Ben and I to play a part in that. That as we love him with abandon Tariku will catch a glimpse of just how wildly, crazy in love his Heavenly Father is with him.
For now, I just get to sit with the searing pain that threatens to tear me open some days and also the utter joy that my son brings wherever he goes. Psalm 30:5 says "Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning." I know there's a legitimate place for the "weeping" right now in my own heart. And the joy has already come in the form of a 48 pound little boy who has changed my life. I am just so thankful for him...and for the story God is going to tell with his life.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Kolfe
Many of you generously donated money prior to our trip to Ethiopia for a pizza party for the teenage boys at Kolfe. Because of your huge hearts and generosity, Ben and I had the absolute pleasure of throwing a full blown pizza party for around 100 teenage orphans who live in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at Kolfe. I have many friends and family members who sponsor boys at Kolfe through Children's HopeChest so I was excited to go and see first hand what it's like.
Let me just say it was really fun to go to the pizza place and see them whip up 70 pizzas. And by whip up, I do mean about two hours later, which I still think is crazy fast for that many pizzas in Ethiopia. :) We hung out on the rooftop of the pizza place waiting with the awesome folks from HopeChest where I snapped these pictures:
Then we started to carry the 70 pizzas down the four flights of stairs to the van. You can only imagine the looks we got. Only the crazy white people would need that many pizzas. :)
I admit I was a bit distracted at first. My friend Erin in Maine sponsors a sweet Kolfe boy named Biruk and I SO badly wanted to get my hands on him and hug him I could hardly stand it. Erin's experience with Biruk has been incredible. Talk about what a meaningful role a sponsor can play in a child's life!! Her family skypes with Biruk... he has watched her kids do gymnastics and crazy stuff in their living room from Ethiopia. I LOVE that. I feel like I know Biruk as I have watched Erin's relationship with him develop. So, I went to ask someone if they could find him and as soon as I turned I saw his face right by the van. OH. THAT. SMILE.
He showed me the dorm where he slept.
He was not any different than any other child on the planet in that he loved that someone took an interest in him. Somebody (Erin!) loved him enough to send me with hugs and kisses and questions and love from his sponsor family. I know that Biruk's life didn't get any easier because I spent an hour or so with him. But I bet he went to bed that night with a smile on his face and joy in his heart because he was reminded he was loved. I know I still can't wipe the stupid grin off my face when I think about getting to meet him!
There are still boys at Kolfe who do not have sponsors. (If you are interested in changing that, please click here for more information). The ones who had been sponsored were eager to ask me if I knew their "mom and dad" in Texas or Florida or some other state. They were rattling names off at me more quickly than I could process what they were saying. I wanted to say so badly that I knew their sponsors but I couldn't. A few boys couldn't hide their disappointment. It was heart wrenching. Let me tell you, these boys LOVE their sponsors. If you think sponsorship is just writing your check every month you are sadly mistaken. These boys have no family to speak of. It is not an understatement to say these kids consider their sponsors family. They are hungry for relationship. It was really quite beautiful to witness.
As was the boys putting down some much anticipated pizza and fruit! :)
Then we got to give these sweeties their packages from their sponsors...
The little guy that Ben is with above is my in-law's newly sponsored child. How cool is that? Ben got to tell him that they were like brothers now. He liked that. :)
I am so thankful that we got the opportunity to give these boys a fun evening! They LOVED the pizza and fruit and each boy was also given a new t-shirt. I couldn't believe how many of the 100 came up and shook my hand and thanked me sincerely. How humbling. So now I pass along their thanks to you, who truly made it happen! You all are so awesome and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring about these boys. Wish you could have been there. You would have loved it. Please, PLEASE continue to pray for them. Pray that they feel loved...that they know God created them for a purpose...that they grow into the big dreams they each have and pursue them with all their hearts.
P.S. My friend Erin just emailed me some comments from the boys after the party. I'm adding them to the post now to give you a feel for just how much something simple like pizza and fruit means to them...
Ephrem wrote to his sponsor mom:
Yes mom we eat pizza, mango, banana and orange at Wednesday this day is our fantastic day because we don’t eat pizza and orange before. We are very joyful in that day.
...and this one is from sweet Solomon to Erin:
Yes we have wonderful day today. Lots of boys tested pizza for the first time. I knew this party before a month ago but all boys didn't know that so they are very surprised and the same time they are so happy. I don't know how we can say thank you all you God people. You are a blessing for us. now we know that we are not alone. We have lots of people that praying and thinking for us. Thank you Erin very very much and I would like to say thank you all people who helps us and care about us everyday. I haven't seen before such kinds of smile faces on Kolfe boys. I would like to say thank you again and again.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Things Hidden Well in a Land of Prosperity are Exposed in a Land of Want
I was going to blog today about the pizza party we threw in Ethiopia at Kolfe Boys Orphanage, but then I ran across the blog post below from this woman and just had to share it instead. It's as if she was in my head...her words so sum up what I feel. So enjoy this for today and know the pizza party post and pictures are coming soon. :)
It has been three months since Nathan, Hannah, and I returned from Africa. In many ways it seems like we were there only yesterday. In others, it seems like an eternity ago.
I liken my first taste of Africa and my processing of it these last few months to someone who is going through the five stages of grief. I honestly think while I was there, I was in a state of shock. Being slightly numb is about the only way I could keep from weeping at every moment. I was carried along by the rhythm and flow of life in Ethiopia—the sights, and sounds, and smells. But I didn’t know how to feel. I was overwhelmed by the need and my lack of ability to do anything about it. And I certainly didn’t know how to reconcile everything I was seeing with my life back in America.
Which led me to anger. At injustice. At rich, spoiled Americans. At myself. Some justified anger, sure, but mostly my anger was misdirected. I wanted someone to blame. Surely someone was responsible for all this death and sickness and disparity, and so it must be all those people who don’t know, who don’t care, who don’t do anything. If they would just listen. If they would just care. I was ready to point my finger at anyone and everyone.
And, of course, at myself. Because Africa, like a magnifying mirror, reveals more of yourself than you really want to see. Things you hide well in a land of prosperity--like selfishness, laziness, greed, arrogance-- get exposed in a land of want. When you see a woman who has nothing use her meager supply of water and injera to serve you tea-- you can’t help but think of how often you’ve opened your overflowing pantry and sighed that there’s just nothing to fix for dinner. When you meet a man who walks the 3 miles back and forth to work, works 12 hour days, 7 days a week, all for about $2 a day, and he counts himself as blessed—you can’t help but think of how often you’ve complained you needed “me time” after a day “stuck” in your comfy house homeschooling your well-fed kids and folding enough laundry to clothe an army. When you give a child a piece of gum, and you look back to see them sharing it with 6 other children around them--you can’t help but think of overflowing Easter baskets and Christmas stockings stuffed full of goodies. And you feel fat. Regardless how much you weigh, you just feel like a soft, flabby glutton.
And so I entered the stage of bargaining. OK, God, I can still live in my house as long as I speak up for orphans and bring one home to live in it. I can still have 25 pairs of shoes as long as a couple of them are TOMS. I can still spend hours online doing nothing productive, as long as I occasionally post something thought provoking on facebook. I can still own way more than I need, as long as I donate some of the stuff I don’t really want anymore to Goodwill.
But that leads to depression. Because you can never really reconcile owning anything with having given enough. I think of the story where the man came to Jesus and said, ok, I’m ready to follow you, and Jesus said, only one more thing: go sell everything you have and give it to the poor. The man walked away sad. He could not do it. His heart was not willing. While I certainly believe it’s ok to own things, I can never again rest in a place of, ok, I’ve given enough, I’m good now. It will never be enough. And that can be deeply unsatisfying for someone who wants a simple black & white way to deal with my abundance. It just isn’t simple, people.
And I am finally accepting that. There is no easy answer. Really, I’m finding we here in America have a lot more in common with my new friends in Ethiopia than I originally thought. Our countries, yes, different indeed. But we are all people, created in God’s image, and in desperate need of the gospel. And redemption. What Africa wears on the outside, laid bare for all to see, we hide underneath layers in America. They wear physical disease, hunger, poverty, and need. Here, our layers of “stuff” hide emptiness, brokenness, despair, and a hunger that is never satisfied deep within our hearts. Their need is easier to identify, but ours is still there. Underneath it all are human beings with gaping wounds and fatal bleeding. We need a remedy. We need to be rescued.
And with my acceptance comes hope. I believe in a Remedy. I believe in a Rescuer. I serve a King who loves Africans and Americans. I believe He will use me, if I will daily seek to obey His leading in my life. I will not prescribe to you what you need to do, and what that will look like for you. I will not pretend there is an easy solution or that one need in one country is any greater than another need in another country. But for me, I cannot forget what I have seen, and I am now responsible for it. Under the veil of earthly things is a spiritual reality, one we sense when we close our eyes and stand still long enough to feel. We were meant to live for so much more than the American dream.
And so I will not doze off in the sleepy shire, I will engage in the battle. I want blisters on my hands and fatigue deep in my bones and scars on my heart from all I’ve seen and experienced---because too much is at stake. Lives are at stake. Physical and spiritual. I don’t want to cling tightly to anything, save Jesus. I want to spend myself—my life, my time, my resources—with reckless abandon. So that one day, when I stand before Him, I have nothing left. Nothing wasted. Nothing squandered.
I used to be anti-short-term mission trips. I just didn’t see the need to spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere for a few days where you would barely scratch the surface of the need but potentially leave with some sort of self-righteous satisfaction that you at least “did something”, returning to your life of complacency the other 350 days of the year. It seemed to me a bad use of resources that could be better used in the hands of someone who worked there long term as well as a hindrance to seeing the daily mission we are called to here.
But I have changed my mind. Go. Let the two worlds that are America and Africa collide in front of you. Spend the money, because in God’s economy, it’s a drop in the bucket. Like the woman who poured the perfume on the feet of Jesus, offer what seems excessive. When I asked an Ethiopian pastor who ran a local orphanage what I should tell my friends back at home, he said, "Tell them to come. Come and see. It means so much that you would get on a plane, leave your families behind, and come be with us and spend time with us.”
Why would that surprise us? After all, we were created for community. It is the greatest gift we can give as we seek to share Jesus.
So go and see. Serve. Share. But don’t wait to engage in the battle until your feet hit African soil. Start today. Start here. Because too much is at stake.
Join me in this conflicted state, where my sin and my obedience wrestle daily. Choose to live with eyes open. Stop spectating. Suit up, and get on the field, where you strive for the goal but often meet resistance and sometimes fail. It is not funner. It's harder. At times it feels like a burden. But it is what is true. What is real. And it is worth it, because it is where Jesus resides.
It has been three months since Nathan, Hannah, and I returned from Africa. In many ways it seems like we were there only yesterday. In others, it seems like an eternity ago.
I liken my first taste of Africa and my processing of it these last few months to someone who is going through the five stages of grief. I honestly think while I was there, I was in a state of shock. Being slightly numb is about the only way I could keep from weeping at every moment. I was carried along by the rhythm and flow of life in Ethiopia—the sights, and sounds, and smells. But I didn’t know how to feel. I was overwhelmed by the need and my lack of ability to do anything about it. And I certainly didn’t know how to reconcile everything I was seeing with my life back in America.
Which led me to anger. At injustice. At rich, spoiled Americans. At myself. Some justified anger, sure, but mostly my anger was misdirected. I wanted someone to blame. Surely someone was responsible for all this death and sickness and disparity, and so it must be all those people who don’t know, who don’t care, who don’t do anything. If they would just listen. If they would just care. I was ready to point my finger at anyone and everyone.
And, of course, at myself. Because Africa, like a magnifying mirror, reveals more of yourself than you really want to see. Things you hide well in a land of prosperity--like selfishness, laziness, greed, arrogance-- get exposed in a land of want. When you see a woman who has nothing use her meager supply of water and injera to serve you tea-- you can’t help but think of how often you’ve opened your overflowing pantry and sighed that there’s just nothing to fix for dinner. When you meet a man who walks the 3 miles back and forth to work, works 12 hour days, 7 days a week, all for about $2 a day, and he counts himself as blessed—you can’t help but think of how often you’ve complained you needed “me time” after a day “stuck” in your comfy house homeschooling your well-fed kids and folding enough laundry to clothe an army. When you give a child a piece of gum, and you look back to see them sharing it with 6 other children around them--you can’t help but think of overflowing Easter baskets and Christmas stockings stuffed full of goodies. And you feel fat. Regardless how much you weigh, you just feel like a soft, flabby glutton.
And so I entered the stage of bargaining. OK, God, I can still live in my house as long as I speak up for orphans and bring one home to live in it. I can still have 25 pairs of shoes as long as a couple of them are TOMS. I can still spend hours online doing nothing productive, as long as I occasionally post something thought provoking on facebook. I can still own way more than I need, as long as I donate some of the stuff I don’t really want anymore to Goodwill.
But that leads to depression. Because you can never really reconcile owning anything with having given enough. I think of the story where the man came to Jesus and said, ok, I’m ready to follow you, and Jesus said, only one more thing: go sell everything you have and give it to the poor. The man walked away sad. He could not do it. His heart was not willing. While I certainly believe it’s ok to own things, I can never again rest in a place of, ok, I’ve given enough, I’m good now. It will never be enough. And that can be deeply unsatisfying for someone who wants a simple black & white way to deal with my abundance. It just isn’t simple, people.
And I am finally accepting that. There is no easy answer. Really, I’m finding we here in America have a lot more in common with my new friends in Ethiopia than I originally thought. Our countries, yes, different indeed. But we are all people, created in God’s image, and in desperate need of the gospel. And redemption. What Africa wears on the outside, laid bare for all to see, we hide underneath layers in America. They wear physical disease, hunger, poverty, and need. Here, our layers of “stuff” hide emptiness, brokenness, despair, and a hunger that is never satisfied deep within our hearts. Their need is easier to identify, but ours is still there. Underneath it all are human beings with gaping wounds and fatal bleeding. We need a remedy. We need to be rescued.
And with my acceptance comes hope. I believe in a Remedy. I believe in a Rescuer. I serve a King who loves Africans and Americans. I believe He will use me, if I will daily seek to obey His leading in my life. I will not prescribe to you what you need to do, and what that will look like for you. I will not pretend there is an easy solution or that one need in one country is any greater than another need in another country. But for me, I cannot forget what I have seen, and I am now responsible for it. Under the veil of earthly things is a spiritual reality, one we sense when we close our eyes and stand still long enough to feel. We were meant to live for so much more than the American dream.
And so I will not doze off in the sleepy shire, I will engage in the battle. I want blisters on my hands and fatigue deep in my bones and scars on my heart from all I’ve seen and experienced---because too much is at stake. Lives are at stake. Physical and spiritual. I don’t want to cling tightly to anything, save Jesus. I want to spend myself—my life, my time, my resources—with reckless abandon. So that one day, when I stand before Him, I have nothing left. Nothing wasted. Nothing squandered.
I used to be anti-short-term mission trips. I just didn’t see the need to spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere for a few days where you would barely scratch the surface of the need but potentially leave with some sort of self-righteous satisfaction that you at least “did something”, returning to your life of complacency the other 350 days of the year. It seemed to me a bad use of resources that could be better used in the hands of someone who worked there long term as well as a hindrance to seeing the daily mission we are called to here.
But I have changed my mind. Go. Let the two worlds that are America and Africa collide in front of you. Spend the money, because in God’s economy, it’s a drop in the bucket. Like the woman who poured the perfume on the feet of Jesus, offer what seems excessive. When I asked an Ethiopian pastor who ran a local orphanage what I should tell my friends back at home, he said, "Tell them to come. Come and see. It means so much that you would get on a plane, leave your families behind, and come be with us and spend time with us.”
Why would that surprise us? After all, we were created for community. It is the greatest gift we can give as we seek to share Jesus.
So go and see. Serve. Share. But don’t wait to engage in the battle until your feet hit African soil. Start today. Start here. Because too much is at stake.
Join me in this conflicted state, where my sin and my obedience wrestle daily. Choose to live with eyes open. Stop spectating. Suit up, and get on the field, where you strive for the goal but often meet resistance and sometimes fail. It is not funner. It's harder. At times it feels like a burden. But it is what is true. What is real. And it is worth it, because it is where Jesus resides.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
147 Million Minus One
We've been home from Ethiopia for one week now. I've been wanting to write a post about the day we met Tariku, but kept waiting for a time when I thought I'd have words for it. I finally realized today that time will never come and so I'd better just have a go at it.
I guess it should first be said that adoption has changed my life. I had no idea when we started this process how absolutely shattered my heart would become not just for my own child, but for the 147 million orphans in the world. And I had no idea how much of a spiritual thing adoption is - as in DEEPLY spiritual (at least that's what my experience has been). But more on that later...
You can only imagine our excitement, anxiety, fear and complete elation over the thought of meeting Tariku. Would he be ready for us? Would he be scared to death? Would he want to have anything to do with us? Two years in the process and the moment was finally here. We boarded the bus with the other ten adoptive families to make the 1/2 mile drive to the Care Center. We may look somewhat together in the picture below, but oh my...we were SO nervous!!
The anticipation of meeting Tariku for the first time was killing us by the time the bus pulled up to the care center. As we stepped off the bus at the care center compound we could see a line of toddlers hanging onto the iron fence looking at us. Since Ben and I had thought we'd meet Tariku inside the care center we didn't give much thought to the fact that Tariku might be outside. But we looked down the line of children anyway, and there he was...the one child bouncing up and down while hanging onto the fence. We looked at him and then the air was filled with "Daddy! Mommy!". More bouncing. More shouting. We couldn't believe it was him. Ben ran to the fence and Tariku threw his arms around him and smothered him with kisses.
He KNEW us! I could not believe it. He was so overjoyed to see us. It was precious. I bent down and hugged him through the fence. We covered each other with kisses and then he was whisked away in a matter of seconds. Ben and I stood there in disbelief that we had seen him! We had met our son! The beauty of that moment is something I will never forget. Oh you guys...he was standing there so expectantly! He knew we were coming...he knew who we were...he was READY!! Honestly, I thought my heart would burst at that moment. I was so shocked, so relieved, so awestruck that our little guy knew us. I had been so prepared that he might not want anything to do with us and what we experienced was so far from that.
A while later, we were formally introduced in his classroom where he proceeded to tackle us with huge hugs. He got up from his desk in the front row and ran across the room to us instantly. I was so enjoying those moments with him that it wasn't til later that I looked up and realized that the classroom was full of children just sitting at their desks watching us be united. I had to fight the tears back as I realized each one of those children was an orphan and Tariku was living their dream moment. He was getting his family while they watched it all from their desk. Thank God I knew each one of those children was spoken for by an adoptive family or I think I would have fallen apart even more. I wondered how many reunions they had witnessed from those chairs. I wondered what their thoughts were each time they saw one of their friends meet their family. I wondered how many friends Tariku had said goodbye to before we came. And then I allowed myself to come back to the sweet realization that Tariku would never have to wonder anymore about us. He'd never have to wait again. Because mommy and daddy were there. We came for him.
Tonight, I snuggled Tariku in his bed, covered him up, kissed him 20 times and told him I loved him. We laughed as I tickled him and he threw his arms around my neck and said "I love you, Mama". He feels safe. He feels loved. He can sleep peacefully now. He is home.
And then I think about the 147 million orphans in the world who will go to sleep tonight without anyone to cover them up or tell them they are loved. Many of them will be hungry and sick and alone. Many will not be safe. Some will be sex-trafficked tonight and reminded of the fact they have no one who cares about them - at least no one they are aware of. But I care about them - I don't have any other choice. I've heard some of their cries with my own ears in both Ethiopia and Uganda. Those are not cries that I will ever get out of my head or my heart. I will not ever forget the pulls on my arms to touch them and pick them up. I will not forget the word so many children whispered in my ear - "Mama" they would say....as if they could speak it into existence. I will not forget the arms wrapped around my neck or the hands caressing my hair. I will not forget the sweet little fingers interlocked with mine.
While my son is home, so many are not. It makes hugging and squeezing him tight that much more meaningful. So, tonight, I am thankful for Tariku being in my arms and that 147 million orphans is now 147 million minus one.
I guess it should first be said that adoption has changed my life. I had no idea when we started this process how absolutely shattered my heart would become not just for my own child, but for the 147 million orphans in the world. And I had no idea how much of a spiritual thing adoption is - as in DEEPLY spiritual (at least that's what my experience has been). But more on that later...
You can only imagine our excitement, anxiety, fear and complete elation over the thought of meeting Tariku. Would he be ready for us? Would he be scared to death? Would he want to have anything to do with us? Two years in the process and the moment was finally here. We boarded the bus with the other ten adoptive families to make the 1/2 mile drive to the Care Center. We may look somewhat together in the picture below, but oh my...we were SO nervous!!
The anticipation of meeting Tariku for the first time was killing us by the time the bus pulled up to the care center. As we stepped off the bus at the care center compound we could see a line of toddlers hanging onto the iron fence looking at us. Since Ben and I had thought we'd meet Tariku inside the care center we didn't give much thought to the fact that Tariku might be outside. But we looked down the line of children anyway, and there he was...the one child bouncing up and down while hanging onto the fence. We looked at him and then the air was filled with "Daddy! Mommy!". More bouncing. More shouting. We couldn't believe it was him. Ben ran to the fence and Tariku threw his arms around him and smothered him with kisses.
He KNEW us! I could not believe it. He was so overjoyed to see us. It was precious. I bent down and hugged him through the fence. We covered each other with kisses and then he was whisked away in a matter of seconds. Ben and I stood there in disbelief that we had seen him! We had met our son! The beauty of that moment is something I will never forget. Oh you guys...he was standing there so expectantly! He knew we were coming...he knew who we were...he was READY!! Honestly, I thought my heart would burst at that moment. I was so shocked, so relieved, so awestruck that our little guy knew us. I had been so prepared that he might not want anything to do with us and what we experienced was so far from that.
A while later, we were formally introduced in his classroom where he proceeded to tackle us with huge hugs. He got up from his desk in the front row and ran across the room to us instantly. I was so enjoying those moments with him that it wasn't til later that I looked up and realized that the classroom was full of children just sitting at their desks watching us be united. I had to fight the tears back as I realized each one of those children was an orphan and Tariku was living their dream moment. He was getting his family while they watched it all from their desk. Thank God I knew each one of those children was spoken for by an adoptive family or I think I would have fallen apart even more. I wondered how many reunions they had witnessed from those chairs. I wondered what their thoughts were each time they saw one of their friends meet their family. I wondered how many friends Tariku had said goodbye to before we came. And then I allowed myself to come back to the sweet realization that Tariku would never have to wonder anymore about us. He'd never have to wait again. Because mommy and daddy were there. We came for him.
Tonight, I snuggled Tariku in his bed, covered him up, kissed him 20 times and told him I loved him. We laughed as I tickled him and he threw his arms around my neck and said "I love you, Mama". He feels safe. He feels loved. He can sleep peacefully now. He is home.
And then I think about the 147 million orphans in the world who will go to sleep tonight without anyone to cover them up or tell them they are loved. Many of them will be hungry and sick and alone. Many will not be safe. Some will be sex-trafficked tonight and reminded of the fact they have no one who cares about them - at least no one they are aware of. But I care about them - I don't have any other choice. I've heard some of their cries with my own ears in both Ethiopia and Uganda. Those are not cries that I will ever get out of my head or my heart. I will not ever forget the pulls on my arms to touch them and pick them up. I will not forget the word so many children whispered in my ear - "Mama" they would say....as if they could speak it into existence. I will not forget the arms wrapped around my neck or the hands caressing my hair. I will not forget the sweet little fingers interlocked with mine.
While my son is home, so many are not. It makes hugging and squeezing him tight that much more meaningful. So, tonight, I am thankful for Tariku being in my arms and that 147 million orphans is now 147 million minus one.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Back Home
Wow...it's been quite an amazing three weeks since my last blog post! We were stuck in Ethiopia for an extra week due to the volcano (nice to be in Ethiopia longer, but hard on us since we just wanted to get home with our son)! Unfortunately, I couldn't access my blog while in Ethiopia so I'm going to be doing quite a bit of catching up over the coming weeks with my writing. I don't really have words for Ethiopia which is kind of unfortunate since this is a blog and I need words. :) You can expect to see a lot of pictures and hopefully catch a glimpse into the beauty of my experience in Ethiopia.
The past three weeks included meeting my four year old son for the first time, meeting my son's birth father, throwing a pizza party for 130 teenage orphans, spending time at a leper colony where some people hadn't left their beds in 17 years, meeting my dear friend's sponsored children, stepping over streams of sheep and goat's blood which had been shed in the Easter celebration, meeting people who had nothing but were giving everything they had to help their community...a mixture of utter sadness and undeniable joy. Ethiopia has captured my heart. Adoption has captured my heart. God's heart for the fatherless is capturing my heart. I think my time in Ethiopia has inched me closer to realizing how much love the Father has for us, His children...especially for those who suffer. This world is so big. So needy. So beautiful. I can't wait to share some of that beauty and need with you in the coming weeks.
Thanks for your prayers and support and thanks for your patience as our new family gets settled in. For now, here are a few pictures to whet your appetite. :)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Almost There
We'll be spending Easter morning in Ethiopia. I don't think I'll be forgetting this Easter any time soon. It has always signified a new beginning for me, but this year, all the more. This is a new beginning for our family. The urgency that I feel to get to my son is unparalleled. I wonder if that isn't how Jesus felt when He knew His arrival on earth and death on the cross would bring restoration and wholeness to a broken world. Urgency. I want to run to my son - I can't seem to get there fast enough. To think that Jesus came to go to the cross for me is astounding. His love is deeper and wider and more firm than my love for any of my children will ever be.
His triumph over death equals a new beginning for me. Every morning, a new chance to walk in light and joy - seeking to know my Savior. I can't wait to have Tariku home and taking that journey with me. I can't wait to throw my arms around him and hold him close. I want to breathe him in, touch his face, hold his hand and whisper "I love you" in his ear. Crazy to think that's how Jesus feels about me. That's what He came to do - to breathe life into us, to touch us, to hold our hands each day, to whisper into our hearts. To engulf us in His overwhelming love.
How fitting my scripture of the day was Ephesians 3:16-21:
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Thanks for taking this journey with me, friends. I can't wait to blog more from Ethiopia. But for now, soak up that crazy love of God that is wider, longer, higher and deeper than anything we can imagine. He came for us. Wow.
Happy Easter.
Monday, March 22, 2010
That's My King
I had a sweet conversation tonight with a dear friend who loves orphans and Jesus (doesn't get much better than that in my opinion!) about Africa. After I hung up the phone I was just in awe of how God moves in our hearts and stirs us to love people we've never even laid eyes on. She's getting ready to go to Africa for the first time and she said that she can't imagine what it will be like to actually see these people she feels so passionately about but has never met. Is it possible to love them any more than she already does? And that made me think about God's love...His nature...His very character. Who HE IS at His core...how He so beautifully weaves the love He has for us into our hearts and makes it spill out for other people.
God's been doing so much in my heart and life over these past months and tonight I find myself just standing in awe of Him. Only God can take fickle, selfish human hearts and turn them towards Him and the things and people He cares about. So, tonight I just want to worship Him and soak up WHO He is. I wish I was as eloquent as Dr. S.M. Lockridge at describing my King, but I'm not so sit back, close your eyes and breathe in the truth of Who we love, serve and worship with our lives. (And if you don't feel like listening you can read the words below).
The Bible says my King is the King of Righteousness....He's the King of the Ages.....He's the King of Heaven....He's the King of Glory....He's the King of kings, and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.
David said, "The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He's enduringly strong....He's entirely sincere....He's eternally steadfast....He's immortally graceful....He's imperially powerful....He's impartially merciful.......
He's the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour...
He supplies strength for the weak....He's available for the tempted and the tried....He sympathizes and He saves....He strengthens and sustains....He guards and He guides....He heals the sick....He cleanses lepers....He forgives sinners....He discharges debtors....He delivers captives....He defends the feeble....He blesses the young....He serves the unfortunate....He regards the aged....He rewards the diligent....and He beautifies the meek...
His promise is sure....His light is matchless....His goodness is limitless....His mercy is everlasting....His love never changes....His word is enough....His grace is sufficient....His reign is righteous....and His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. He's indescribable....
He's irresistible.
That's my King.
God's been doing so much in my heart and life over these past months and tonight I find myself just standing in awe of Him. Only God can take fickle, selfish human hearts and turn them towards Him and the things and people He cares about. So, tonight I just want to worship Him and soak up WHO He is. I wish I was as eloquent as Dr. S.M. Lockridge at describing my King, but I'm not so sit back, close your eyes and breathe in the truth of Who we love, serve and worship with our lives. (And if you don't feel like listening you can read the words below).
The Bible says my King is the King of Righteousness....He's the King of the Ages.....He's the King of Heaven....He's the King of Glory....He's the King of kings, and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.
David said, "The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He's enduringly strong....He's entirely sincere....He's eternally steadfast....He's immortally graceful....He's imperially powerful....He's impartially merciful.......
He's the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour...
He supplies strength for the weak....He's available for the tempted and the tried....He sympathizes and He saves....He strengthens and sustains....He guards and He guides....He heals the sick....He cleanses lepers....He forgives sinners....He discharges debtors....He delivers captives....He defends the feeble....He blesses the young....He serves the unfortunate....He regards the aged....He rewards the diligent....and He beautifies the meek...
His promise is sure....His light is matchless....His goodness is limitless....His mercy is everlasting....His love never changes....His word is enough....His grace is sufficient....His reign is righteous....and His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. He's indescribable....
He's irresistible.
That's my King.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
My Plans & God's Purposes
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
This time last week I thought I was going to be in Africa today picking up my son in Ethiopia. Yet here I am sitting on my couch in Cincinnati. Not in Africa. I thought I was going to get to travel with our friends to experience the joy of getting our children together, but while I type this they are somewhere over the Atlantic on their way to Ethiopia. And guess what? I am right where I'm supposed to be and my friends Le and Lindsey are right where they're supposed to be too.
The thing is...I can make my plans and think that I know how everything is going to go all I want, but God knows best. He sees the big picture I don't. It was just one little tiny piece of paperwork that didn't get into the right hands on time in Ethiopia that kept us from going to get Tariku on Sunday. It was incredibly disappointing. But God's timing has been amazing throughout this whole adoption process and so we trust Him. Almost immediately after we got the news we weren't going to be traveling as anticipated, things began to happen.
I got a call from a friend I haven't seen in ten years who said she wanted to send us a check (a sizeable one in my opinion) to take with us to spend on the needs of the people we encountered in Ethiopia. She asked what else she could send and I said "Maybe some bubble gum for the boys at Kolfe, the teenage boy's orphanage we're visiting. I'd really wanted to see if I could get them each a new t-shirt but there are 130 kids there." Guess what was delivered to my front porch today? Yep. 140 brand new t-shirts for the boys at Kolfe. So, my friend Lindsey gets to throw those boys a pizza party this week and I get to give them all new shirts in a few more weeks. Pretty cool if you ask me.
I mentioned on FaceBook that I was going to be visiting Korah Leper Colony and that they needed medical supplies desperately. Within 3 minutes of posting the need on FaceBook I had a message from Kids Against Hunger here in Cincinnati saying they had leftover medical supplies they couldn't get to Haiti and I was welcome to come fill up my suitcase. So I went to fill my suitcase on Saturday at the facility and while I was there they asked if I wanted to take any food with me. Um...YES! So, they loaded me up with 440 nutritionally packed meals to take to Korah.
Oh, and now I have time to receive and deliver packages from 3 sponsors who want me to meet and give their sponsored Kolfe boys goodies. Seriously?? LOVE that I get to do that for them. And take pictures. And get to know these boys and tell them they are loved, prayed for and cared for by someone halfway around the world.
From Day 1 we have known that God is taking care of Tariku in the time that we are apart. What we didn't know was that God was also going to take care of quite a few of His other children simply by allowing us to travel a month later than we had anticipated. Wow. I'm blown away by how God has provided for so many people in such a short period of time. But, that's just like our God. His love is BIG and His ways are so far above mine I couldn't comprehend them if I tried.
This journey of learning to trust is just that - a process of surrendering again and again. It's a constant setting aside of our own wants and desires and admitting "Okay, God. You know better." Sometimes those words have a hard time rolling off our tongues, don't they? :) But let them. Because He does know better. Always. The bellies that are going to be full for the first time in who knows how long because of the 440 meals we'll be able to deliver, the boys who will be wearing fresh, new t-shirts, the people of Korah who will finally know what pain relief is...they will attest to the fact that God does know better - ALWAYS.
This time last week I thought I was going to be in Africa today picking up my son in Ethiopia. Yet here I am sitting on my couch in Cincinnati. Not in Africa. I thought I was going to get to travel with our friends to experience the joy of getting our children together, but while I type this they are somewhere over the Atlantic on their way to Ethiopia. And guess what? I am right where I'm supposed to be and my friends Le and Lindsey are right where they're supposed to be too.
The thing is...I can make my plans and think that I know how everything is going to go all I want, but God knows best. He sees the big picture I don't. It was just one little tiny piece of paperwork that didn't get into the right hands on time in Ethiopia that kept us from going to get Tariku on Sunday. It was incredibly disappointing. But God's timing has been amazing throughout this whole adoption process and so we trust Him. Almost immediately after we got the news we weren't going to be traveling as anticipated, things began to happen.
I got a call from a friend I haven't seen in ten years who said she wanted to send us a check (a sizeable one in my opinion) to take with us to spend on the needs of the people we encountered in Ethiopia. She asked what else she could send and I said "Maybe some bubble gum for the boys at Kolfe, the teenage boy's orphanage we're visiting. I'd really wanted to see if I could get them each a new t-shirt but there are 130 kids there." Guess what was delivered to my front porch today? Yep. 140 brand new t-shirts for the boys at Kolfe. So, my friend Lindsey gets to throw those boys a pizza party this week and I get to give them all new shirts in a few more weeks. Pretty cool if you ask me.
I mentioned on FaceBook that I was going to be visiting Korah Leper Colony and that they needed medical supplies desperately. Within 3 minutes of posting the need on FaceBook I had a message from Kids Against Hunger here in Cincinnati saying they had leftover medical supplies they couldn't get to Haiti and I was welcome to come fill up my suitcase. So I went to fill my suitcase on Saturday at the facility and while I was there they asked if I wanted to take any food with me. Um...YES! So, they loaded me up with 440 nutritionally packed meals to take to Korah.
Oh, and now I have time to receive and deliver packages from 3 sponsors who want me to meet and give their sponsored Kolfe boys goodies. Seriously?? LOVE that I get to do that for them. And take pictures. And get to know these boys and tell them they are loved, prayed for and cared for by someone halfway around the world.
From Day 1 we have known that God is taking care of Tariku in the time that we are apart. What we didn't know was that God was also going to take care of quite a few of His other children simply by allowing us to travel a month later than we had anticipated. Wow. I'm blown away by how God has provided for so many people in such a short period of time. But, that's just like our God. His love is BIG and His ways are so far above mine I couldn't comprehend them if I tried.
This journey of learning to trust is just that - a process of surrendering again and again. It's a constant setting aside of our own wants and desires and admitting "Okay, God. You know better." Sometimes those words have a hard time rolling off our tongues, don't they? :) But let them. Because He does know better. Always. The bellies that are going to be full for the first time in who knows how long because of the 440 meals we'll be able to deliver, the boys who will be wearing fresh, new t-shirts, the people of Korah who will finally know what pain relief is...they will attest to the fact that God does know better - ALWAYS.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Time to Lavish Some Love
Take a minute and try to estimate how many pizzas you have eaten in your life. On second thought, don't think about that...it may depress you. :) Can you imagine a life where you never had eaten pizza - ever? What if a bottle of soda was a luxury you simply couldn't afford?
There is an amazing group of teenage boys who live together in Ethiopia at a place called Kolfe Orphanage. The picture below is of one of the young men's feet. I'm thinking that the boy who wears these shoes day in and day out probably doesn't ever get the luxury of enjoying a pizza and soda. I'm thinking he probably has bigger things to think about.
But he shouldn't have to always be thinking about bigger things. He should be able to enjoy a pizza and soda like many other teenage boys on the planet do. Quite a few of the Kolfe boys have sponsors here in the States thanks to Children's HopeChest (but there are still many more in need of sponsors if you're interested!!). Most of the boys at Kolfe Orphange in Ethiopia are typically given practical things from their sponsors, which is GOOD and makes a lot of sense!! In fact, I know that the boy belonging to the shoes above just received a new pair of gym shoes from his sponsor. The reality that most of these young men face is that they need practical stuff. They need toothbrushes and toothpaste, paper, pens and pencils for school. Most of the gifts these boys get are useful, practical things for which they're very grateful.
But...I think they deserve something fun too...something not practical at all. What does every teenage boy like?? Yep. Pizza. And the truth is many of the 130 boys at Kolfe haven't ever had pizza. Some haven't ever had soda. I get to go to Kolfe next week with my husband and my friends Le and Lindsey. We thought it would be fun to throw all 130 teenage boys a pizza party with soda! LOVE IT!!
I can already picture the smiles on their faces and I know it will be even better than I picture it being. I love the thought of these boys laughing while they scarf down pizza and guzzle Coke...
We aren't sure exactly how much it's going to cost, but we estimate around $600-$700. These are teenage boys we're talking about...not two year olds. :) So, here's your opportunity to contribute to one of the greatest pizza parties of all time. We promise...if we've over estimated the amount needed, we'll spend your money on some of that practical stuff for the boys. :)
If there's one thing I know about God it's that He loves to give good gifts to His children. He LAVISHES love on us. Now's our chance to lavish some love on the Kolfe boys in the form of pizza and soda. I think God will be smiling big when He sees the smiles on His kid's faces next week. So, what can you do to help? Here's one suggestion...give up any pizza you might have otherwise eaten this month and donate the money you would have spent to the Kolfe boys. If you have kids, what a great way to get them involved in sacrificing for other kids around the world. I promise to blog pictures of the pizza party when I get back so you can share them with your families. Anyway, if you feel moved to help us meet our goal of $600-$700 please click here to make your tax deductible gift to Children's HopeChest as soon as you possibly can, being sure to note "ET- Kolfe Pizza Party" in the notes section. We'd love to have the money in place by this weekend if possible!
Thanks for your prayers for these 130 young men who so desperately need to experience the love of God. We are asking that God would use something as seemingly silly as a pizza party to make that love tangible next weekend. Thanks, everyone. You rock. :)
There is an amazing group of teenage boys who live together in Ethiopia at a place called Kolfe Orphanage. The picture below is of one of the young men's feet. I'm thinking that the boy who wears these shoes day in and day out probably doesn't ever get the luxury of enjoying a pizza and soda. I'm thinking he probably has bigger things to think about.
But...I think they deserve something fun too...something not practical at all. What does every teenage boy like?? Yep. Pizza. And the truth is many of the 130 boys at Kolfe haven't ever had pizza. Some haven't ever had soda. I get to go to Kolfe next week with my husband and my friends Le and Lindsey. We thought it would be fun to throw all 130 teenage boys a pizza party with soda! LOVE IT!!
I can already picture the smiles on their faces and I know it will be even better than I picture it being. I love the thought of these boys laughing while they scarf down pizza and guzzle Coke...
If there's one thing I know about God it's that He loves to give good gifts to His children. He LAVISHES love on us. Now's our chance to lavish some love on the Kolfe boys in the form of pizza and soda. I think God will be smiling big when He sees the smiles on His kid's faces next week. So, what can you do to help? Here's one suggestion...give up any pizza you might have otherwise eaten this month and donate the money you would have spent to the Kolfe boys. If you have kids, what a great way to get them involved in sacrificing for other kids around the world. I promise to blog pictures of the pizza party when I get back so you can share them with your families. Anyway, if you feel moved to help us meet our goal of $600-$700 please click here to make your tax deductible gift to Children's HopeChest as soon as you possibly can, being sure to note "ET- Kolfe Pizza Party" in the notes section. We'd love to have the money in place by this weekend if possible!
Thanks for your prayers for these 130 young men who so desperately need to experience the love of God. We are asking that God would use something as seemingly silly as a pizza party to make that love tangible next weekend. Thanks, everyone. You rock. :)
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I really don't want my children to be happy...say what??
Our Ethiopian adoption journey has been LOOONG. Our wait is coming to an end and the REAL journey of loving our son in person will begin in just a week and half. We are leaving for Ethiopia next weekend to meet our sweet little Tariku face to face!! I really can't begin to describe what I'm feeling. I am completely humbled that God has brought this little boy into our lives to love. As we get ready to meet him I've had lots of thoughts but I ran across a blog post from a woman named Missy that sums up so well what I desire for my son. Enjoy this post she wrote to her children...
Dear Shepherd, Sissy, Maggie and Ikey,
Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they oppose our plans to adopt. One of the reasons given was that we would not be able to pay for your college education.
It's true.
You all have college funds - college funds which recently took a terrible hit - but "they" say that by the time you're 18, college will cost anywhere between $200,000 to half a million dollars each. You might as well know now, we won't be covering that. I'm telling you now, babies.
The people said that the day would come when you would look at us with resentment because you had to apply for school loans while many of your friends got a free ride from their parents.
Maybe you will. Maybe you'll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y'all now why your dad and I have decided to do what we are doing.
I know you're going to think I am going off topic (I do that a lot) but several years I saw a story on a TV show about how the latest trend was for parents to give their daughters boob jobs for high school graduation (I don't know what they gave their sons.) When interviewing one of the moms, she said, "I just want my daughter to be happy." And as I tossed a throw pillow at the television, this really huge thought occurred to me: I don't want my children to be happy.
My goal as your mom is not your happiness, sugars. In fact, I spend at least half my day making you unhappy. If I had a nickle for every tear that falls in this home on a daily basis, we wouldn't need to worry about college tuition at all.
Happiness is fleeting, sweet babies. That means it doesn't last. It's a quick feeling that comes from a funny movie or a heart shaped lollipop or a really good birthday present. It's great. I love to be happy. But happiness is a reaction that is based on our surroundings. And our surroundings are so very rarely under our control. Even when - especially when - we think they are. So no, I absolutely don't want you to spend your life chasing something that has so little to do with your own abilities. You'll just be constantly frustrated.
There are two things I desire for you, precious loves. There are two things that I spend most of my time as a mother trying cultivate in you. Happiness ain't one of them. (This means, sorry, no boob jobs for you.)
The first is, I want you to be content. Being content is so much different from being happy. Being content is not based on your surroundings. Being content comes from within. Contentment is a spirit of gratitude. It's the choice you make to either be thankful for the things you do have, or to whine about the things you don't have.
As you know, because I've told you lots of times, Paul talked about being content. Paul said that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." And Paul was in some rotten situations, kiddos, really rotten.
How could Paul be content whether he was in prison or if his life was literally a shipwreck? Because Paul was constantly seeking to be in the will of God instead of his own, was constantly sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of the gospel, and was constantly being confirmed, strengthened, and blessed by God because of his obedience. He was given a supernatural power - that means something kind of like magic, God magic - to do things that most other humans could not do. And guess what? The bible tells us (in Ephesians 1) that God will give you the exact same power! If you want it!
Which leads me to my second desire for y'all.
I don't want you to be happy. I want you to be holy. That means, I want you to seek that God-power to make you content. I want you to want the Kingdom of God more than your own kingdom. And that's hard, babies, that is so hard. And that usually means passing up a lot of what the world considers happiness. But it means that you will achieve blessings directly from God that most of the world never dreams of because they are too occupied with the achieving the perfect birthday present!
This means you may be poor, 'in want' as Paul said, and that's okay. It will never, ever be okay with the world for you to be poor. So you'll be up against the world. But not your dad and me, loves, because it was never our goal for you to be wealthy - at least not in the way that the world considers wealthy.
Darlings, we love you so much. You will never even grasp how much we love you until you have children of your own, and then you'll get it, and then you'll apologize for the ways you treated us ;) But our goal is not to please you. Our goal is to please our Heavenly Father. And nowhere in the bible does the Lord command that we save our money to send our kids to college.
But the Lord does command us to care for the orphan around fifty times. He does tell us to care for the poor around 300 times. He does tell us that when we care for the neediest, we are caring for Jesus Himself. And in chapter six of the book of Matthew, He tells us to seek His kingdom first, and let Him worry about the rest, like college tuition. Because it's all His anyway.
They said that one day y'all would resent us for using 'your' college money to go and get your sister out of an orphanage in Ethiopia and bring her home to you.
But I know my babies. Even at your tender ages, I know your hearts, and I have already seen you weep for the least of these. I know the prayers I offer up to God that He and not the world would shape the desires of your hearts. I am trusting Him to answer those prayers.
So, sugarbears - I just don't believe those people.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, February 22, 2010
Empty Pockets, Full Life
If you don't have 12 minutes, do yourself a favor and come back later to watch the video below. You'll want to hear the story of Pastor Walter in Swaziland. I am utterly humbled. This man empties his pockets and gives the only money he has away without hesitation. But more than that, he pours out his life into the people in his community. He is such a beautiful picture of how the body of Christ should be operating on a daily basis. Pastor Walter has taken James 1:27 seriously - he is living it. He's a man with a vision that God is bringing to life. He has laid it all down for the sake of the kingdom. Check out his smile. Feel his joy. See the people he impacts. Hear their stories. Get on your knees and pray for this man and the people he ministers to. And after you're done praying get up and get involved. It's not about our money...it's about our hearts. May we be compelled by the love our Father has for the least of these. May we rise up and be the people Jesus has called us to be...willing to give our lives way so we can find them.
Meet Pastor Walter...
Meet Pastor Walter...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Radical
Do you ever get that itch? The one that tells you there's more? I've been moving from sort of having a little itch that needs scratched to being itchy all over - like the kind that comes from rolling around in a blueberry patch and getting chigger bites all over. No amount of pink calomine lotion is easing this craziness!
So what's the itch all about? It's about the fact that Jesus is RADICAL...everything about Him. And I am NOT. The more I get to REALLY know the God I serve the more I realize that my life doesn't look very much like Him. My life looks pretty safe. Pretty comfortable. Pretty self focused. Pretty much like everyone else's around me. I go to church on Sunday. I read my Bible (sometimes). I lead a small group. I go to work. I love my kids and my husband. It's sort of like...Lather. Rinse. Repeat. All of this stuff is good - don't get me wrong! Part of what God asks of me is to be the wife, mother and friend that He has created me to be. And that's not something I take lightly.
But, something's missing. The Gospel at its core requires that I walk a different, more narrow road than the rest of the world. AND that I be willing to obey God regardless of what the rest of the world may say. That's hard, people!! The truth is that I care about what the rest of the world thinks and says about me. I don't want to, but I do. What is the result of that? My life doesn't look radical like my Savior's. When I put the things this world cares about before the things God does then I am holding myself back from living the full and abundant life that Jesus came to bring me. I become my own worst enemy.
So, back to the itch. I'm wanting to live differently. I'm sensing Him whispering that there's more if I would choose to live radically. But what in the world does that really look like? I believe that first of all for me it means putting to death the American dream and chasing after God's dream. I personally do not think that I can pursue both. Richards Stearns (President of World Vision) says in his book "The Hole in Our Gospel" that the American Dream is defined as "A life of personal happiness and material comfort as traditionally sought by individuals in the U.S.". Doesn't sound too bad, huh? No wonder we're all pursuing it like crazy. I don't think I know a single person who doesn't want personal happiness and material comfort.
What I'm realizing as a result of my time in Uganda and what God has been working in my heart is that my personal happiness comes when I give my life away to other people. And while I might gain momentary pleasure from my material possessions - they are not the things that comfort my heart and bring life to my spirit. They can, in fact, be the very things that suck the life out of me when I focus on the pursuit of "stuff" instead of the pursuit of God.
I think too that I'm realizing more deeply that the God I want to pursue isn't just the God who loves me and is full of grace and mercy. He's the God of the following words:
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39
"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." - Luke 16:13
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." - Matthew 16:24
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then he will say to those on his left, Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. They also will answer, Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you? He will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." - Matthew 25: 31-46
Sound radical? Um, yeah. Is it even possible to live this way? YES. I made a new friend this week who is living radically right here in the U.S. Here's an excerpt from an email she sent me last night:
Most people think I'm a little, "off". I am a complete dork for Christ. I bring strange women home from Africa on a whim, I stop if I get that weird feeling in my gut when I see someone on the street. I minister in bars, I put my family's groceries back on the shelf if I see someone that can't pay at the check out and pay for theirs instead. I pick up hitchhikers because I used to be one, I'll buy a prostitute's time to simply talk because I used to be one.
She embodies why I'm itchy. She's doing what Jesus would be doing if He walked this earth today. She's radically embracing Jesus and the things He calls all of us to. AND SO CAN I. I can tell you that her life is not easy, but it is full. Only Jesus could call us to give our entire lives away in pursuit of Him and the things He cares about and in return give us life to the fullest. I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss out anymore.
So what's the itch all about? It's about the fact that Jesus is RADICAL...everything about Him. And I am NOT. The more I get to REALLY know the God I serve the more I realize that my life doesn't look very much like Him. My life looks pretty safe. Pretty comfortable. Pretty self focused. Pretty much like everyone else's around me. I go to church on Sunday. I read my Bible (sometimes). I lead a small group. I go to work. I love my kids and my husband. It's sort of like...Lather. Rinse. Repeat. All of this stuff is good - don't get me wrong! Part of what God asks of me is to be the wife, mother and friend that He has created me to be. And that's not something I take lightly.
But, something's missing. The Gospel at its core requires that I walk a different, more narrow road than the rest of the world. AND that I be willing to obey God regardless of what the rest of the world may say. That's hard, people!! The truth is that I care about what the rest of the world thinks and says about me. I don't want to, but I do. What is the result of that? My life doesn't look radical like my Savior's. When I put the things this world cares about before the things God does then I am holding myself back from living the full and abundant life that Jesus came to bring me. I become my own worst enemy.
So, back to the itch. I'm wanting to live differently. I'm sensing Him whispering that there's more if I would choose to live radically. But what in the world does that really look like? I believe that first of all for me it means putting to death the American dream and chasing after God's dream. I personally do not think that I can pursue both. Richards Stearns (President of World Vision) says in his book "The Hole in Our Gospel" that the American Dream is defined as "A life of personal happiness and material comfort as traditionally sought by individuals in the U.S.". Doesn't sound too bad, huh? No wonder we're all pursuing it like crazy. I don't think I know a single person who doesn't want personal happiness and material comfort.
What I'm realizing as a result of my time in Uganda and what God has been working in my heart is that my personal happiness comes when I give my life away to other people. And while I might gain momentary pleasure from my material possessions - they are not the things that comfort my heart and bring life to my spirit. They can, in fact, be the very things that suck the life out of me when I focus on the pursuit of "stuff" instead of the pursuit of God.
I think too that I'm realizing more deeply that the God I want to pursue isn't just the God who loves me and is full of grace and mercy. He's the God of the following words:
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39
"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." - Luke 16:13
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." - Matthew 16:24
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then he will say to those on his left, Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. They also will answer, Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you? He will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." - Matthew 25: 31-46
Sound radical? Um, yeah. Is it even possible to live this way? YES. I made a new friend this week who is living radically right here in the U.S. Here's an excerpt from an email she sent me last night:
Most people think I'm a little, "off". I am a complete dork for Christ. I bring strange women home from Africa on a whim, I stop if I get that weird feeling in my gut when I see someone on the street. I minister in bars, I put my family's groceries back on the shelf if I see someone that can't pay at the check out and pay for theirs instead. I pick up hitchhikers because I used to be one, I'll buy a prostitute's time to simply talk because I used to be one.
She embodies why I'm itchy. She's doing what Jesus would be doing if He walked this earth today. She's radically embracing Jesus and the things He calls all of us to. AND SO CAN I. I can tell you that her life is not easy, but it is full. Only Jesus could call us to give our entire lives away in pursuit of Him and the things He cares about and in return give us life to the fullest. I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss out anymore.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Not Disappointed
It was only five months ago that I was in Uganda teaching Sunday School to a few hundred orphans (you can read more about that in my September posts). I can't believe it has been five months - it feels like yesterday. I had so many emotions that day. Inadequacy. Brokenness over what those sweet kids have to face daily. Angst over my inability to meet all their needs. Amazement at the smiles on their faces and the joy in their heart. And most of all...LOVE. I felt so filled by the love God has for each of those children. They weren't my children, but they were HIS and the small glimpse He gave me into His heart for them is hard to explain. I was compelled to share with them how valuable each of them was to God - that they were created by Him for a purpose. I read the following scripture to them from Jeremiah 29:11-14:
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on Me, when you come and pray to Me I'll listen. When you come looking for Me you'll find Me. Yes, when you get serious about finding Me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.And as much as those words were meant for every one of those orphans I was face to face with that day, they were also meant for me and for you and for this little boy in Hadero, Ethiopia...
This little boy is officially MY SON. I am in tears as I type those words. MY SON!! This day is finally here! It is with immense joy that I introduce to you Isaiah Tariku. He is four years old and came into care at the orphanage in Ethiopia right around the time I was in Uganda. While we were on the path to adopt an infant over the past two years, God had other plans. He used our experiences with some of the orphans we met in Uganda to change our hearts and prompt us to extend our age range from an infant to a boy up to 5 years of age. Three days after we made the age change official with our agency we were given Tariku's referral. :) His case passed successfully through Ethiopian court last week and he is officially ours. I still can't believe it. We are hoping to travel to Ethiopia in April to get him and it cannot come soon enough!
His Ethiopian name is Tariku which means "His story"...what a story he has already and what a story God is going to continue to weave with his life! It didn't take long for us to land on Isaiah as his first name. God has spoken deeply to us this past year through studying, memorizing and fasting over Isaiah 58, so Isaiah was an obvious choice. His first and middle name literally mean "God's Salvation, his story". Is that beautiful or what?? How we look forward to seeing Tariku's life be a reflection of the meaning of his name!
I love Jeremiah 29:11. I love the promise in it for my son. God has had plans for Tariku from the very beginning...plans to take care of him and not abandon him...plans to give him a hope and a future. Only God could have orchestrated placing Tariku in our family. Only God could have tuned us in to His heart for orphans. Only God could have provided the insane amount of money it costs to adopt. Only God could have put us in Africa in September to motivate us to change our age range. Only God could have helped his case pass through a court system on the first try when it's practically unheard of. Only God.
The end of that passage about sums it up for me: "Yes, when you get serious about finding Me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."
This past year I have gotten serious about finding Jesus...especially among the least of these. Daily I am learning to want Him more than anything else. Each day has it's own challenges and my weaknesses rear their ugly heads but despite that, God says that when I seek Him I'll find Him.
Oh...and the part about Him making sure we're not disappointed when we seek Him? SO TRUE. Just take a look at Tariku's precious face. God has NOT disappointed. He has amazed me.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Barefoot
Do you ever stop and think about the things you take for granted? How many times do you turn the faucet on and enjoy a cold drink of clean water or a hot bath without blinking? As you sit in traffic complaining about the wait, are you thinking how blessed you are to have a car that’s stuck in traffic? Did you know that only 8% of the world’s population owns a car? When you open your fridge to pull out something to eat, do you ever think about how many people in the world have NO access to food? When you down a few Advil to get rid of your headache do you think about the people in the world who’ve never known pain relief? When you pick out one of your many pairs of shoes in the morning and slip them on, do you ever think about these feet that have never known a pair of shoes?
In September I saw the faces that belong to these feet in Africa. They are faces I will never forget. They were faces with big smiles, sad eyes and haunting stories I could hardly handle. Unfortunately, their stories are reflective of the millions of orphans living in Africa alone.
This Valentine’s Day we have an opportunity to do something tangible for these sweethearts! Children’s HopeChest will provide an orphan in Ethiopia with a much needed pair of shoes when you purchase a “Simply Love” t-shirt.
While we have the luxury of buying chocolates and flowers this Valentine’s Day, these orphans don’t have any luxuries period. The truth is, having a pair of shoes is a luxury to them. Can you believe that many of them have gone their entire lives barefoot? I've seen personally how harsh the hot ground, sharp rocks and glass can be on these sweet little bare feet. So, how about we toss the flowers and the chocolate out the door this Valentine’s Day and give a gift that will make a meaningful difference for these kids! Are you in? Click here if so!
In September I saw the faces that belong to these feet in Africa. They are faces I will never forget. They were faces with big smiles, sad eyes and haunting stories I could hardly handle. Unfortunately, their stories are reflective of the millions of orphans living in Africa alone.
This Valentine’s Day we have an opportunity to do something tangible for these sweethearts! Children’s HopeChest will provide an orphan in Ethiopia with a much needed pair of shoes when you purchase a “Simply Love” t-shirt.
While we have the luxury of buying chocolates and flowers this Valentine’s Day, these orphans don’t have any luxuries period. The truth is, having a pair of shoes is a luxury to them. Can you believe that many of them have gone their entire lives barefoot? I've seen personally how harsh the hot ground, sharp rocks and glass can be on these sweet little bare feet. So, how about we toss the flowers and the chocolate out the door this Valentine’s Day and give a gift that will make a meaningful difference for these kids! Are you in? Click here if so!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
But...Do You Trust Me??
Wow...quite a bit has happened since my last post almost three weeks ago when I started praying the "Disturb me, O God" prayer! You won't be surprised to know I have indeed been disturbed! :) For the past three weeks (interesting timing) my business has been completely jeopardized by something that's totally out of my hands. I have had to face the fact that I may be unemployed very soon. There is literally nothing I can do to save it - my business is at the mercy of an outside entity. So, the rubber has met the road and God has brought me face to face with the question "Do you trust Me"? I seem to be really good at talking about trust, but let me tell you the past three weeks have been an exercise in walking that trust out. God and I have had quite a bit of face time lately and I've come to realize something: when I lay my everything down at His feet and recognize that it was never mine to begin with there is a peace that covers me. The more I have been enabled to "let go" of my business and the financial security it brings and surrender it to Him, the more I have been able to praise Him in the midst of the storm. His plans are good - perfect, actually.
There has been something strangely freeing about truly facing the future (which seems rather bleak!) and saying, "Ok, God - bring it!". Whatever "it" is. Bring it. Unemployment?? Bring it. Watching you outstretch your arm and save my business?? Bring it. WHATEVER YOU WANT, GOD. What I have discovered over the past three weeks is that there is no other place I want to be than where God wants me. To be able to honestly say that and mean it regardless of the implications is where it's at! This past year I've been scratching the surface of saying that and meaning it, but God has taken me deeper these past weeks. He's taken me further into the knowledge that HE IS GOOD and my security lies in Him only. And so I can smile at the future in all its uncertainty. I can smile at tomorrow when I'll find out if I'm unemployed or not. One thing I know: tomorrow is a good day regardless of the outcome because God is on His throne and is at work in my life.
I have had so many reminders of my time in Uganda the past few weeks as I've been processing through all of this. But most frequently, I have thought about young James Ocen (you can read more here) who when asked to write anything he wanted (and most of the kids his age wrote down things they need), simply wrote:
My heart still breaks every time I read that. It breaks for James' circumstances and it breaks over the fact that this young orphan boy gets "it" so much better than I do. I'm begging the Lord for a little bit more of the kind of trust James has in His very big, very loving God.
The Message version interprets Matthew 6:34 this way: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
May my attention be ever turned to what God is doing RIGHT NOW - in this moment. Man, I so don't want to miss it. He has GOOD things in the middle of difficult circumstances if I will just press in further.
There has been something strangely freeing about truly facing the future (which seems rather bleak!) and saying, "Ok, God - bring it!". Whatever "it" is. Bring it. Unemployment?? Bring it. Watching you outstretch your arm and save my business?? Bring it. WHATEVER YOU WANT, GOD. What I have discovered over the past three weeks is that there is no other place I want to be than where God wants me. To be able to honestly say that and mean it regardless of the implications is where it's at! This past year I've been scratching the surface of saying that and meaning it, but God has taken me deeper these past weeks. He's taken me further into the knowledge that HE IS GOOD and my security lies in Him only. And so I can smile at the future in all its uncertainty. I can smile at tomorrow when I'll find out if I'm unemployed or not. One thing I know: tomorrow is a good day regardless of the outcome because God is on His throne and is at work in my life.
I have had so many reminders of my time in Uganda the past few weeks as I've been processing through all of this. But most frequently, I have thought about young James Ocen (you can read more here) who when asked to write anything he wanted (and most of the kids his age wrote down things they need), simply wrote:
The Message version interprets Matthew 6:34 this way: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
May my attention be ever turned to what God is doing RIGHT NOW - in this moment. Man, I so don't want to miss it. He has GOOD things in the middle of difficult circumstances if I will just press in further.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Disturbed?
I ran across this prayer that Sir Francis Drake wrote...
"Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ."
AMEN!!!! Here are just a few of my thoughts as I digest this...
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
WOW. The wild seas, the unknown...the storms, the difficult, painful and crazy stuff we go through in this life - those things show His mastery. It is in those times when we feel least in control and most weak that God shows up. He comes through. He carries us. He brings us out. He works good out of awful circumstances. He refines us. He makes us look more like Him. He reveals His splendor. Doesn't that sound better than trudging through life in perceived safety, rarely counting on God to show His faithfulness and mastery?
If I never allow myself to lose sight of land I won't find the stars - at least, not the vast expanse of them in all of their glory. If I continue to hold on to this earthly life I will miss out on how God wants to use me to bring His kingdom to earth. But if I can just start paddling out further and further away from the land and the things that are known, the promise of finding God in deeper, more meaningful ways waits for me. Which causes me to call out from the core of my being...
"Disturb ME, Oh God!"
"Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ."
AMEN!!!! Here are just a few of my thoughts as I digest this...
- I need to be DISTURBED!!
- Although I feel like I dream big a lot of the time, I am NOT. God's capacity and greatness is so far beyond me that my idea of big is a miniscule fleck in the grand scheme of things. I want to be dreaming things that I could never fulfill on my own - things that God MUST show up to make happen!
- I often arrive safely and miss out on the majesty of what God wants to show me. Why? Because I am afraid of what waits for me and how I might have to count the cost. Ridiculous!! I LONG to journey further out to experience all that God has for me!!
- I do not want the abundance of my things to keep me from thirsting after God. I want to cut it all loose and run hard after Him, the Living Water who will always be the only One who can quench my thirst.
- Scripture says "God has set eternity in the hearts of men; yet we cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end". Although God has set eternity in my heart, I admit I often cease to dream of it. I am so busy with life on this earth, that my vision for heaven does dim. I choose to focus my eyes in places that hold false peace rather than on the One who is the true giver of peace.
- Perhaps if I could fathom what God is doing I would indeed dare more boldly. But when I can't see the big picture and how things fit together, I more often than not hesitate which simply leads to me sitting on my duff doing nothing. Sometimes it seems my dares are only ever things I suspect I'll be able to work out on my own in the end. What kind of a dare is that?? Certainly not a bold one and likely not a dare at all. But doesn't "dare" in it's very meaning imply that we try something when we can't ensure what the outcome will be? Shouldn't that be the very nature of my faith? I'm thinking my view of God needs to be stretched - big time. I need to more fully recognize the HUGENESS of His nature, His power and His love. The relentless, consuming love that God has for me should lead me to run full speed ahead into what He has for me because I know that He will be there. It must kill Him sometimes to look down at me being so afraid and unwilling to step out and actually risk something!! He is everything I need and I miss out on GOOD things when I don't boldly dare.
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
WOW. The wild seas, the unknown...the storms, the difficult, painful and crazy stuff we go through in this life - those things show His mastery. It is in those times when we feel least in control and most weak that God shows up. He comes through. He carries us. He brings us out. He works good out of awful circumstances. He refines us. He makes us look more like Him. He reveals His splendor. Doesn't that sound better than trudging through life in perceived safety, rarely counting on God to show His faithfulness and mastery?
If I never allow myself to lose sight of land I won't find the stars - at least, not the vast expanse of them in all of their glory. If I continue to hold on to this earthly life I will miss out on how God wants to use me to bring His kingdom to earth. But if I can just start paddling out further and further away from the land and the things that are known, the promise of finding God in deeper, more meaningful ways waits for me. Which causes me to call out from the core of my being...
"Disturb ME, Oh God!"
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