“We live in a dark world. Rain falls. Storms
come. Lightening strikes. Your life can shatter. The roof can fall in. You can
be damaged. As long as you live, you will have something to lose - little
pieces of yourself. The people you love, the life choices you cherish - there
is always something at risk, something dear. Some cause for fear. We can choose
to surrender to that fear and let it rule our lives, or we can surrender to God
all of those things we love and fear to lose, and then love fearlessly - undaunted.”
-Christine Caine
You
know how you wait for something specific to happen for literally years? With each passing day you hope beyond hope
that the dream inside of you just might actually come to fruition. It’s so good and so big you almost don’t let
yourself really believe it might come to be in real life. And yet, you anticipate it… it gets so close
you can taste it, until one day it finally happens. That amazing thing you felt for sure was too
good to really unfold – it actually does.
Your heart explodes with the goodness of it all. You go all in. You invest your heart, your love, your time,
your very essence into what has materialized somehow. This dream, this passion – this thing you
know that you know that you know God instilled deep down in your heart… it
blossoms. It becomes more beautiful than
you even imagined it. Life feels
fuller. This dream is not a dream any
longer – it’s real. It’s pulsing. Life is bursting forth. It’s happening in front of your very
eyes. It’s a part of your story and you
are a part of it. Its beauty is woven
into the very fabric of who you are. You
are transformed because of it.
You can
see where it is headed. You are alive
with even more possibility. You live
your dream, confident of where you are going. And then one day, without even a whisper of
warning, it disappears. It’s ripped out
of your life so quickly you don’t even know what hit you. And you’re left reeling, numb. How could this have happened??
What
in the world are we to do with disappointment??
Actually, I think disappointment is too light a word. What do we do with a heartbreak so deep it
threatens to swallow us whole? What do
we do when it seems like our dream dies?
Jessica
Davis writes in the book For Love’s Sake: “What did I feel like? I felt like everything I had ever worked for
was ripped into shreds, distorted, and broken beyond repair. Suddenly the journey that I was on seemed
more like a mean joke from God than a precious gift. I remember feeling so angry toward God one
day. Why would He give me something so
beautiful, a dream to change the world, and then sit back as it was snatched
away?”
Um,
yeah. What she said. That’s exactly what I've been feeling this week.
Through
the tears and the hurt and heartache, here’s what I’ve come to… all of us human
beings are frail creatures. We hurt each
other even when we don’t mean to. We fail. We may even cause someone else’s dreams to
come crashing down. But NONE of this changes who God is and what His heart
towards us is. And at the end of the
day, isn’t that what we need to know – that even on the most excruciating days, through completely unexpected disappointments, we are loved by the One who matters most?
Isaiah
54:10 says “For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won’t walk away from you, My covenant commitment of peace won’t fall
apart. The God who has compassion on you
says so.”
I’m
sure that many of you have things falling to absolute pieces in your lives
right now. People may have hurt
you. You may have had a dream implode
before your very eyes. Your health may
be failing. Your bank account may be
empty. Your marriage may not be what you
long for it to be. Your plans for having
children may not be realized. The list
can go on and on. But
God is there saying EVEN IF EVERYTHING FALLS TO PIECES, MY LOVE WON’T WALK AWAY
FROM YOU. And more than any dream, any
passion, any desire I have – that love and peace God talks about in Isaiah 54
is what I want. It’s worth sacrificing
any desire or dream for. Jessica goes on
to write “When we give our lives to God, we lay down our rights. We choose to exchange our dreams, hopes and
promises for His. The promises He gives
us will NEVER disintegrate, but will remain.”
This
morning I was reminded of Isaiah 63:9 which says “In all their affliction, He
was afflicted, and the angel of His
presence saved them. In His love and
mercy, He redeemed them. He lifted them
up and carried them all of the days of old.”
The beauty of this struck me so profoundly this morning. In my affliction, in whatever affliction you
may be going through right now, the God of the universe is afflicted too. He hurts because you hurt. He’s God - He doesn't have to hurt with us
and for us, but He does because He loves us just that much. Yet, notice that He doesn't leave us there in our affliction.
In His LOVE and MERCY, He redeems us.
He redeems our situations, our disappointments, our dead dreams. And if
today, you literally can’t think about taking another step because you are so
worn out and discouraged, guess what? You don’t have to. He says HE WILL LIFT YOU UP AND CARRY
YOU. And what was it that saved
them? His presence. Simply knowing God is WITH us even in the
middle of daunting circumstances or unbearable heartbreak – that experience of
Him being with us is what carries us moment by moment.
Ben
and I were talking last night and he said “Amy, can you think of one painful,
difficult circumstance when something fell apart and God didn't replace it with
something better?” And you know
what? I couldn't. In my 38 years, there hasn't been one. Because that’s the kind of God I know - the
kind of God who makes things not just better, but brand spanking new. And people, “brand new” or “better” usually doesn't come the way we might expect it to, or dare I say, in the timing we want it. That’s the beautifully frustrating thing about God – He operates outside
our realm of understanding.
Sometimes the replacing He does
of the broken things in our lives is simply with Himself. And friends, He is enough.
We
might be watching for an exact replacement of whatever we lost, but God in His
infinite love for us, gives us what we need.
And often, it comes in the form of a deeper experience with Him. If, according to Isaiah 63:9, it’s His
presence that saves us and rescues us from our affliction, then that’s what I
want more of. I will lay down my dreams
and my rights so that I can know Him deeper – because He is so, so worth it.
So,
all this to say, friends… if you are suffering through loss or desires or dreams that are unfulfilled – know that God is with you in your
suffering. Also know, in all the wrestling and
struggle that comes from that, God is taking you somewhere. It’s not over. It wasn't all pointless. You didn't put your heart out there for
nothing. He hasn't abandoned you or your
dreams.
I will
shed my tears and mourn my loss, but I will do it knowing that what is to come
will be more beautiful than what was (or wasn't).
“This
land that was laid waste has become like the garden of Eden: the cities that
were lying in ruins, desolate and destroyed, are now fortified and inhabited…I,
the Lord, have rebuilt what was destroyed and replanted what was desolate.” –
Ezekiel 36:35-36
